March 19, 2007

George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Filed under: Mike's Posts

Funny how this came just when I was talking about getting older. (see the March Newsletter)  He is hilarious and this is pretty funny.  Enjoy it.
mj

*********************

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?  If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?”  “I’m four and a half!”  You’re never thirty-six and a half.  You’re four and a half, going on five!  That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back.  You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?”  “I’m gonna be 16!”  You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!  And then, the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21.  YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.  Oooohh, what happened there?   Makes you sound like bad milk!  He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling.  What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.  Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.  Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!!  You MAKE it to 60.  You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70!  After that it is a day-by-day thing - you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.  And it doesn’t end there.  Into the 90’s, you start going backwards - “I was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens.  If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.  “I’m 100 and a half!”

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

March 6, 2007

One Last Drive

Filed under: Mike's Posts

Here is another story that one of my students shared with me. It reminds us to slow down and enjoy the ride…enjoy
mj

One Last Drive
By Kent Nerburn
A taxi driver picks up a fare
that changes his life.

There was a time in my life twenty years ago when I was driving a cab for a living. It was a cowboy’s life, a gambler’s life, a life for someone who wanted no boss, constant movement, and the thrill of a dice roll every time a new passenger got into the cab.

What I didn’t count on when I took the job was that it was also a ministry. Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a rolling confessional. Passengers would climb in, sit behind me in total anonymity, and tell me of their lives.

I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, made me laugh and made me weep. And none of those lives touched me more than that of a woman I picked up late on a warm August night.

I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a someone going off to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at the address, the building was dark except for a single light in a ground-floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a short minute, then drive away. Too many bad possibilities awaited a drive who went up to a darkened building at 2:30 in the morning.

But I had seen too many people trapped in a life of poverty who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation had a real whiff of danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger.

It might, I reasoned, be someone who needs my assistance. Would I not want a driver to do the same if my mother or father had called for a cab? So I walked to the door and knocked.

“Just a minute,” answered a frail and elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman somewhere in her 80s stood before me.

She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like you might see in a costume shop or a Goodwill store or in a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The sound had been her dragging it across the floor.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm, and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

“It’s nothing,” I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy,” she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.” I looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to go?” I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they had first been married.

She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she would have me slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.” We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held on to me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

There was nothing more to say. I squeezed her hand once, then walked out into the dim morning light. Behind me, I could hear the door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I did not pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the remainder of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? How many other moments like that had I missed or failed to grasp? What if I had been in a foul mood and had refused to engage the woman in conversation?

We are so conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unawares.

When that woman hugged me and said that I had brought her a moment of joy, it was possible to believe that I had been placed on earth for the sole purpose of providing her with that last ride.

I do not think that I have ever done anything in my life that was any more important.
——————————————————————————–

This essay appears in Kent Nerburn’s book
Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace: Living in the Spirit of the Prayer of Saint Francis (HarperSanFrancisco Publishers).

Visit the author’s website at www.kentnerburn.com

March 1, 2007

An orange glow and the smell of smoke

Filed under: Mike's Posts

As I write this, there are no less than 6 fire trucks and three police cars within 50 yards of my house. 

A little while ago I was teaching my Wednesday night teleclass when I had a faint smell of smoke.  But something didn’t seem right - it was too late for my wife to have lit the fireplace and I didnt have any candles lit in my office.  So I walked upstairs with my headset on to see what was going on.  But the Living Room was empty, she was already upstairs in bed. So I went back downstairs and continued teaching.

About 5 minutes later, my wife came running downstairs telling me that there was a fire outside. So I ran upstairs again and this time looked out the back window to see a big orange glow with big flames shooting into the sky, engulfing my neighbor’s detached garage, about 5 feet from our shared fence, the wooden play set and unknowingly close to their propane tank.  Any second that fire could catch the fence and playset, hit the trees and shoot over to our house.

You wonder what you would do in a situation like that.  When a bear is approaching your tent, when a few tough guys are approaching you in the street, when there’s a big fire outside that is close to catching your house…

Will you run or freeze, paralyzed?  Will you scream or remain frozen and silent?  Will you panic and lose it? 

What we did was, I hung up with my class and got the kids up while my wife called 911 and then the neighbors (who didn’t even know they had a fire – another scary thought!)  I grabbed my cell phone and my car keys because they were right there, picked up my kids and shuttled them right into the car with my wife close behind.  I did have a moment where I thought about what else I needed to take - what did I want to ’save.’  But that passed very quickly as I realized that at that moment, nothing else even came close to mattering.

Anyway, we all jumped in the car and drove to the end of the driveway and waited in case we had to make a run for it. But by then the fire trucks had arrived and within a few minutes the fire was out.  We live only 2 blocks from the firehouse so they were there like lightning.  But I will never forget that big orange glow and the flames. It was surreal.

My kids (6 and 4) were still wailing and terrified for a while but all has returned to order and I am going to go upstairs, kiss the kids one more time and then have myself a big glass of Scotch.

Lessons learned:

  • Firefighters and police officers are awesome! Yes, there are exceptions, but when it comes to helping people in times of crisis, there are true heros.
  • Always check to make sure cigarettes, ashes, anything else that was once alit, is really and truly out.
  • Listen to yor instincts - I knew something seemed odd about smelling smoke but because I was busy, I quickly dismissed it as someone else’s fireplace. 
  • When it comes down to it, loved ones are all you need. 

As my gram says, ‘never cry over the stuff that can be replaced!’  In those scary, chaotic moments, it was never more clear.


 « Previous PageNext Page »