The WakeUp Call Newsletter
The Voice of the WakeUp Revolution!
May 2007 Issue
Have you ever been excited in
anticipation of something or had certain expectations of how something
or someone should be? How many times have you been let down or
disappointed because something did not live up to your expectations?
As much as I, personally, try to keep a positive mindset, it is not
always easily sustained. In fact, it gets tested all the time, even for
something as enjoyable as a vacation...
- Mike
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FEATURED STORY
Managing
Expectations
Have you ever been excited in
anticipation of something or had certain expectations of how something
or someone should be? How many times have you been let down or
disappointed because something did not live up to your expectations?
It is so easy to look around and see only the problem, the shortcoming,
or the gap. And once you place your focus there, you become blind to the
substance and good that is there as well. We can get stuck focusing on
what's missing or what didn't go right and end up either beating
ourselves up, blaming someone or something for our situation, or worse -
creating a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. Do this enough and
you start anticipating negative outcomes, bad experiences and poor
results, trapping you into this mindset.
Yes, there is a benefit to this kind of attitude and thinking - you get
to avoid accountability and get to blame everyone and everything else
for your situation (except yourself.) You get to make others wrong and
still be 'right' or 'blameless' or 'justified' in your point of view.
You get to be the victim.
However, there is a significant cost to this type of thinking. When we
bring this 'focusing on the gap' attitude to our lives, we disempower
ourselves. We put our own sense of vitality, joy and ease into the
control of other people, things and events. We are not taking
accountability and responsibility for our lives and our sense of
well-being and happiness. We are in that moment choosing to give it up
so we can stand in our circle of self-pity and righteousness. Is it
worth it?
Most of my clients have faced these scenarios at one time or another.
When this happens, we work to shift their outlook and perspective to
focus on what IS there instead of what isn't there. We point the finger
back at them to see what happened, what they interpreted it to mean, how
they reacted, and how they may interact differently the next time. We
look at what's really important to them - their core values, versus what
they are getting stuck on and are willing to let go of. It takes
practice! As much as I, personally, try to keep this mindset, it is not
always easily sustained. In fact, it gets tested all the time, even for
something as enjoyable as a vacation...
Putting it Into Practice A few weeks ago we were going on a family vacation to the Dominican Republic
with our two young kids. In trying to keep this positive philosophy, my
wife and I declared that we would have a wonderful trip regardless of
the circumstances. A beach vacation is one of the most favorite things
in the world for my wife, so having a nice beach is very important to
her. Good food is also important to her (her dad was a top NYC
restaurateur and her mom is an incredible cook.)
But as we prioritized our needs as a family, we felt that as long as
there was decent food and a nice beach, the most important thing was to
have a great kids club, so we could enjoy some time with just the two of
us and she could get a much needed break from her mommy-routines.
With those priorities clarified, we did the research and we narrowed it
down to the resort that offered the best chance for us to get what we
were hoping for. However, nothing was guaranteed, as even the resorts
with the best customer reviews had plenty of complaints.
Where to Focus Now it was time to make the best of whatever the trip had to
offer. It would have been easy to look at the gaps and start
complaining: the bed in the room was not the most comfortable, the food
(especially lunch) was just ok, the beach was ok but didn't have silky
white sand my wife craves, the water was a little rough and had big
rocky areas, and the people spoke mostly Spanish and communication was
sometimes difficult.
However, because we had decided to make it a great trip regardless of
the circumstances, what we chose to experience was much different: The
rooms were new and clean, the resort had 7 restaurants to choose from
and some were very good, and the pool was incredible - 300 hundred yards
of winding 'river' with a waterfall, Jacuzzis, climbing rock, pool
sports and a swim up bar. We found some great swimming areas in the
ocean where fish were eating bread right out of our hands! Most
importantly, the kids wanted to be in the camp as much as we would let
them! Finally, we braved our way through as much Spanish as we could and
both kids (even my 4 year old) were saying Gracias and De Nada by the
end of the week. All in all, it was the best family vacation we ever had
together.
Both of the descriptions above were for the same vacation but with two
different perspectives. It simply depends on whether you choose to focus
on the gaps or acknowledge and appreciate what you do have.
So what about you? Where are you focusing on the gaps or the negative
space? How can you shift your perspective to focus on what's positive?
What do you need to accept today, even if you want to get in action to
change it for tomorrow? What do you need to give up or let go of so you
can move on? Who (including yourself) do you need to stop blaming for
something? What can you take accountability for?
Below are some lessons in perspective that can help.
Lessons in Perspective
1.Create a vision - it is so
important to have at least some idea of what you want, even if there are
some fuzzy areas. We knew that being able to spend time with the kids
and without them would be important to us.
2.Do your homework - the
accessibility of information via the internet gives you ample
opportunity to do some research before engaging in almost anything.
Entire worlds are out there waiting for you to discover them.
3.Set expectations and choose your attitude - if
something is really important to you, make sure it is part of your
research. Unmet expectations are the quickest way to a road of
disappointment. Learn to go with the flow so you don't lose time
complaining about the way things should be. Choose in that moment to
either accept things as they are, or make a change. Blaming others or
complaining will only keep you from joy, ease and vitality and leave
your powerless.
4.Appreciate everything and give up your entitlement -
the Dominican People at the hotel were extraordinary. They had no sense
of entitlement whatsoever. Every $1 tip was appreciated as much as a $3
tip and their service, genuine smiles and warmth were consistently
unaffected even if you didn't offer a tip. It made the whole experience
so pleasant and enjoyable, and made us appreciate and revere the spirit
and nature of these people.
There is a cost to staying in
the negative space, and there is a benefit for shifting into the
positive space. When you choose to focus on what's possible and accept
and acknowledge what IS there, you are empowering yourself and taking
control of your own LIFE!
ANNOUNCING MOMFERENCE™ 2007 - A MEETING OF THE MOMS!
This Fall (not May as originally announced), we are
holding our first "Meeting of the Moms" - a week long tele-summit
celebrating, empowering and educating those wonderful people otherwise
known as 'Moms.'
We are bringing together many experts to discuss the challenges, share the
successes and offer tips and guidance around all of the many facets of
your life as a mom and a woman, including Parenting, Career, Re-entering
the Workforce, Being a Corporate Mom, Self-Care without Guilt, Managing
Special Needs Children, Wellness and Healthcare, Family Finances, and
Relationships amongst many, many more topics.
This national event will be conducted 100% by phone conference and via
internet video broadcasts so it will be both easy and convenient for you
to attend and participate.
·No need
to get a babysitter!
·No need
to take time off of work!
·No need
to disrupt your carefully balanced plans and schedules one bit!
Simply dial-in or log-in and you will be there!
This promises to be an extraordinary and life-changing event!
...and 10% of the net registration fees will be donated to mom/family
focused charities.
Be a part of it!
We are still seeking a few speakers!
Spread the word to reach our goal of 5000 moms!
WakeUp Calls have affected many people's lives. For some, surviving the
storms they've faced turned out to be some of the most important events
of their lives.
If you've had a wakeup call that's affected your life, we want you to share it with us and tell us if we
can include it on our website.
Shares can be anonymous (initials only) or can be fully disclosed. We will
only publish those stories with your full permission - it's your choice.
"be the change you wish to see
in the world" - gandhi
Our mission at Jaffe Life Design is to serve as a Human WakeUp Call™ for
others, alerting them to the potential their lives possess. That means
empowering others directly or indirectly to make conscious choices that
enable them to break free of their complacency, limiting beliefs and
inactivity so they can overcome their challenges and live the life
they've designed, on their terms!
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Copyright 2007 Jaffe Life Design LLC. All Rights Reserved.
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In fact, I encourage it! Please send it in its entirety and keep the
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"Mike Jaffe is a Human Wake-Up Call and the founder of the Wake-Up
Revolution!TM For
more information on Mike's powerful and insightful speaking, coaching
and workshops, or to receive Mike's inspirational audio course "7 Steps
to Wake Up and Live An Extraordinary Life!" visit www.jaffelifedesign.com."
